Names

I have already confessed in previous blog entries that I find names an utmost fascinating topic. I think that the concept that our basic and first identities are founded in a string of letters formed together to make an identifying word - name - so interesting. Sometimes I get so caught up in thinking about this that I'll repeat my own name over and over to myself until it sounds even more unusual than it already is, and I get a little dizzy trying to comprehend it. 

In trying to consider such a thing, I find myself getting truly enraged at how little parents seem to care about the responsibility they have to their offspring to give them a name which will stand the test of time and adulthood (while first being acceptable at infancy, childhood, and adolescence). That being said, I also wonder, "well, I mean, what is 'normal'? Who is to say one name is worse than another?'" but then ultimately decide that, no, I cannot fight for some parents' rights to choose a name, because the name they have chosen is hideously offensive. Plus, take a look at what research indicates. 

At one school I worked at I began a list of terrible names which I came across (all students wear name tags in this post 9/11 and school shooting America of ours). Names such as: 

JMark

Holidae 

Island

Jermagisty

O'Breanna  

Parks 

Jilliam 

Power 

Feonix 

A lot of names I started writing down weren't even for their audaciousness, but rather that they were pretty common names spelled illiterately (or creatively, whichever way you want to look at it).  

Myleigh 

Nattaleigh 

Hailee

...a lot of "ee" names now that I look at it...

This got me thinking. One day while Peter and I were both working (this was in the days when I was his boss at the RWC) we compiled a list of the most usual names we could think of and then went about destroying them past recognition. These were our top 2. 

Djöhnne Dayvyd (John David)

Saêruh Uhlyzabef (Sarah Elizabeth)

The art and beauty of these two names is that verbally it seems that we have given classic and common names to both of our children. Their names will be universally recognized upon introduction, with no "Sorry, what was that?" or embarrassing mis-pronunciations by relatives who really should know what their names are, but have forgotten because they don't know Pokémon characters or names of Peter's and mine creation. However, Djöhnne Dayvyd and Saêruh Ulyzabef will still be able to empathize with their peers who never have been able to pick out their own personalised souvenir at tourist attractions, and will learn to explain their names' spellings in the same breath as they say them, (i.e. "Djohnne D-J-O (with two dots on top) -H- double N- E" etc.) 

This, I truly believe, is a compromise that provides our children with both universality and Younique-ness. 

A compilation of true name situations that still make me cringe.

I have been blessed and/or cursed to have a unique name. Melece ranks absolutely nowhere on the Social Security Name Database, and is pretty much unheard of. My nickname "Melly" is usually just as unknown, and often takes a couple of attempts, and spellings to get people to understand exactly what I'm telling them they can call me. Here I have taken the time to write up 20 true life uncomfortable name related situations which have happened to me.

Enjoy.


1. Introducing myself to a new person, who still hears/says my name wrong after five attempts.

2. Accepting that this is my new name, but only to this one person, so it's totally an acceptable thing no one will know about.

3. Being introduced to five other people by this first person all by said new name.

4. Adjusting to life as "Melody" "Molly" "Emily" "Elise" etc., and responding appropriately when called as such.

5. Having someone who I know appear in this group of new-name friends.

6. Hoping silently that no one will address me for the rest of whatever time is going to be spent in this group.

7. Cringing as someone new uses the name they know me by.

8. Begging silently with my eyes to the person who I actually know to take this new name with no comment and roll with it.

9. Dying on the inside as the so called "friend" throws me under the name bus, asking the others why they are calling me by that name, because my name is Melece.

10. Continuing to die as everyone demands to know why I didn't correct them when they were using the wrong name.

11. Attempting to laugh off the situation in a "hah! Gotcha!" kind of way, while everyone in this new/old friend circle is staring me and questioning whether I have always been this socially inept.

12. Finding that the original forced laugh I just faked cannot be stopped, and is rapidly becoming shrill and horrifying, with just a hint of villainous.

13. Searching for some quick exit from the situation, which is now people who used to feel comfortable interacting with me trying to begin a new conversation among themselves while shooting furtive glances as I continue to laugh like an axe murderer.

14. State, "well, this is awkward," making the situation 20 times more awkward than it just had been.

15. Pretending to receive a call on my phone, and answer it.

16. Whispering to the group, "yeah, I gotta take this," while gesturing to the phone, which is, in fact, upside down on my face.

17. Turning to walk away rapidly while praying no one is watching me.

18. Realizing I need to continue to fake this phone conversation, but have no idea what to say.

19. Awkwardly stating, "kay, bye" even though no conversation has taken place.

20. Returning home ashamed of another uncomfortable human- interaction.