Boo, you horcrux

I have another illness. It's one that is ruining my voice and making me very sleepy but restless. Sick voices are pretty amusing, though, and so today's blog post is a video one. MY VERY FIRST VLOG, kinda sorta. Anyway, enjoy. We discuss horcruxes.

Potter Ponderings

Peter is obviously my favourite roommate. That goes without saying. However, he isn't my FIRST favourite roommate. I have loved before. (*gasp* drama.) Since beginning college in 2010 I have been blessed with truly wonderful roommates (but a few crazy housemates) who filled my life with joy. 

 The greatest part about having a roommate is the late night talks. My roommates talked me through Peter's two year mission, about relationships, likes and dislikes, spiritual trials, physical trials... We discussed it all. My last roommate before I got married was the glorious Christy Hoffmann. Our late night talks almost exclusively were Potter Ponderings which are probably the BEST kind of late night talks. Potter Ponderings are questions we have about the wonderful world of Harry Potter. There are no answers usually, but lots of opportunities to question and dig up textual evidence supporting various conclusions. Here are a few Potter Ponderings. 

- If Harry had been kissed by a dementor would his own soul be sucked out or Voldemort's horcrux? 

A simple answer could just be "they would both be sucked out" but that's a super boring answer, and I like debating against it. Harry's soul would be the more attractive of the two as it is full of happiness and is actually a full soul, but if Harry is sucked out, does that leave his body as a living breathing embodiment of Voldemort? We know Voldemort can leech onto another living soul, but in the case of Quirrel, Voldemort couldn't remain once he had died. I'd like to believe that Voldy would be destroyed and Harry would walk away free. Luck always favours the boy who lived. 

- How far back in time can you go with a time turner? (Additionally, who was behind the decision to give a small time machine to a 13 year old girl so that she can exhaust herself with school work? That really seems like bad decision making.) 

The time turner is just such a strange concept to me. I love that Prisoner of Azkaban dabbles in time travel; it is such a dizzying field that I even studied extensively for a semester of my undergrad. Yet, if you take those final scenes of PoA (and Hermione's repeated use of the time turner through out that year) and put them into a wider perspective, suddenly it is harder to comprehend on a legal scale. If these tools are so readily available (i.e. There is a shelf full of them in the Ministry of Magic, and young girls are being handed them in school) how is it that no one has seriously altered time? How does Voldemort exist? How does Harry exist? It seems to me that if time travel were as easy as a few spins on a chain, surely many people would have attempted to abort plans on BOTH ends of the good/bad spectrum. This makes me want to assert that there are specific time restraints on the time turners, and that you may only travel back within a 24 hour period or so. No matter what, it is hard to debate because if time travel has occurred and events changed, then that change is all we know. 

- Why does Harry only first see the thestrals after Cedric's death? His eyes are open during his mother's murder, but closed during Cedric's. 

In the Goblet of Fire we read: 

"From high above his head, he heard a high, cold voice say, "kill the spare." A swishing noise and a second voice, which screeched the words to the night: "Avada Kedavra!" A blast of green light blazed through Harry's eyelids, and he heard something heavy fall to ground beside him. Cedric was lying spread-eagled on the ground beside him. He was dead." 

Actually, we don't know that Harry's eyes were open during his mother's demise. All that he can recall from that Halloween is a flash of green, screaming, and high pitched laughing. That flash of green that he has remembered is exactly like the one he witnesses at Cedric's death. Logistically, if Cedric's murder (seen through closed lids) was enough to have Harry "see death," his becoming an orphan would be equally as qualifying. I read or heard once that it is the understanding that it is death you have seen that makes the thestrals appear, and therefore Harry's being present as a one year old was not enough to have him comprehend death. That seems more valid to me, until we consider how much death Harry has faced in his 15 years of life. When Hagrid explains to him why he is an orphan on his 11th birthday, Harry attributes understanding to his earliest memory: 

"Something very painful was going on in Harry’s mind. As Hagrid’s story came to a close, he saw again the blinding flash of green light, more clearly than he had ever remembered it before — and he remembered something else, for the first time in his life: a high, cold, cruel laugh."

Doesn't this mean Harry has now seen death? He has understood for the first time in his life exactly how he became an orphan; his parents were murdered. Even if that doesn't work, why doesn't witnessing (and kind of causing) Quirrel's death at the end of his first year at Hogwarts? What about destroying Riddle's diary? That was a pretty much a murder. Harry aimed to destroy Riddle and accomplished it. I have so many questions regarding thestrals. 

-Where do dementors come from? How do they multiply? 

I understand that dementors are essentially depression in a physical form, I also deduce from context clues and quotes throughout the series that they multiply anywhere that there is unhappiness, but how? Dementors are in no way sexual creatures. Granted, this is an assumption, but I'm pretty sure there is a very short list of people hoping to get jiggy with a dementor. Probably a list shorter than the one of people who want to make out with Umbridge. We aren't told that people who have their souls sucked become dementors and so it seems they aren't like werewolves or vampires who create others like them. WHERE DO THEY COME FROM? Is it mitosis? I must know. 

What are your Potter Ponderings? I have many, but this already seemed like a brain dump, so I'll stop. 

Stalking isn't romantic, guys.

Imagine you have a childhood friend who fell madly in love with you. Unfortunately, over time you become estranged from this friend because, well honestly, he is a bigot. He's a devout member of the KKK and you are black. He is a anti-semite and you are Jewish. Whatever example works best for you, use it. This friend fundamentally hates and slanders your background but swears he loves you despite the fact that you are dirty and a lesser human.

Imagine that you moved on with your life, lost touch with this friend, fell in love with another and had a child, yet this childhood friend still proclaimed his undying love for you. A love that was never reciprocated by you. 

Imagine this person delivered the crucial information that lead to your brutal murder. 

Imagine that decades later this person, who is still a cruel bigot, now spends his life bullying your only son and one of his friends, because he sees them both as horrible reminders of your death. 

How do you feel towards this person? Awful, right?? He has behaved in a borderline stalker fashion for most of your life! Really not cool. 

All pretenses of anonymity aside, we know I'm talking about Snape. 

The fact that J.K. Rowling named Harry Potter's son after Severus Snape is one of the most offensive things to happen in my life time. It is something that I may never recover from. 

I understand that Snape died in order to defeat Voldemort and save hundreds of Muggles and Wizards alike, but beyond that, he possesses very few redeeming qualities. Everything that he does seems to be motivated by obsession. As a young adult, his obsession with Voldemort dictates his behaviour, and from then on, his obsession with Lily Potter and the fact that he played a major hand in her murder motivates him to seek redemption. 

I believe as much as anyone that redemption is a great thing, and I don't think that Snape doesn't deserve redemption - he turns from his ways and dedicates his entire life to ensure the downfall of Voldemort and his Death Eaters - however, that doesn't mean that I think he is not a bully, his obsession with Lily Evans/Potter isn't insanely creepy, or that Harry would ever name his child after him. 

Sure we see over and over in the series instances where we're all like, "woah, Snape is hella evil" and then we're like, "lawl, jk, he's still a good guy," because Queen J.K. shows how we are wrong, but his personality still stands out as overly douchey at best. Neither Death Eaters or Order members are particularly comfortable around him, seeing as he seems addicted to sneering at and belittling everyone he encounters. This instance from Goblet of Fire always burned my derrière particularly strong:  

"He forced Hermione to show Snape her teeth—she was doing her best to hide them with her hands, though this was difficult as they had now grown down past her collar. Pansy Parkinson and the other Slytherin girls were doubled up with silent giggles, pointing at Hermione from behind Snape's back. Snape looked coldly at Hermione, then said, "I see no difference.""

Hakuna your tatas, Snape! This is a 14 year old girl you're mocking. She has never proved to be a threat to you, nor do you have any moral reason to bully her. In fact, as a teacher, most would say it is your professional goal to be a guiding mentor to her. I guess that doesn't matter when the girl is MUGGLE BORN. *mutters* bigot. 

 And still there is this Lily thing we have to address. We have all had crushes at 15 years old; they are powerful and embarrassing, but we eventually move on or win the affections of the person we are pursuing. Snape fails to do either. The fact that he still harbors deep emotion for an unrequited teenage love as an adult man strikes me as deeply disturbing. 

Ultimately, I find myself getting most irritated that this new wave of fandoms is ruling where readers worship Lily + Sev 5ever. In shipping Snape and Lily as a couple you are wishing that the main character of a series never came into existence. You're negating the love of a woman for her husband and assuming she would be better off with the boy she rejected for valid reasons when she was 15. The fact that J.K. works to never address the good qualities of James is something that I will weep over for years, but for now I am grateful for whatever good qualities James had because he and Lily MADE HARRY POTTER. and if you don't think that's the tightest reason to support a couple, YOU A FOOL. 

Harry Potter: The Musical

In the summer of 2001 the world was a different place. America had not yet declared war on Iraq and terrorism, Dido, Shaggy, and Destiny's Child were collectively dominating the top 40, Warner Brothers Studios were in mid-production of the first Harry Potter film, I was 9 while my sister Sharah was 14, and together we were writing the beautiful, unpublished project entitled Harry Potter: The Musical.

Sharah and I kept our writings on lined paper in a two-ring binder. We used pre-existing songs from either Disney or our family's collection of hits from the '60s, in order to supplement pre-existing or plausible situations from the Harry Potter universe. It really was a work of genius. I do not still have the authentic papers, but I have the memories, and can only pray that the originals are protected somewhere in our parents' basement.

All these recreations have been done to the best of my ability and memory, and all ideas are the brain-rights of Melece & Sharah Meservy. A team so official I had to use an ampersand rather than the word 'and'.

Scene: The great hall. Ron and Harry are enthralled by the enchanted ceiling, floating candles, and hundreds of students. 

Harry: This, this is just, incredible.

Ron: I've never seen anything like it. It's like...

The two make eye contact before both breaking into song. 

H&R: A whole new world! A dazzling place I never knew! No one to tell us no,

Hermione clears her throat behind them.

H&R: Or where to go

Hermione clears her throat slightly louder behind them.

H&R: or say we're only dreaming.

Professor Mcgonagall appears suddenly to squash any dreams the boys may or may not have been having.

End Scene 

Scene: The dungeons. Dark and dusty. Severus Snape is stood at the front of a class of nervous looking first years, H,R&H among them. A fire is lit under a large cauldron which is bubbling ominously. Snape adds ingredients to the cauldron while mixing. 

Severus Snape: Fluxweed... knotgrass... lacewing flies, and skin of Boomslang are only the ingredients we need to complete this particular potion. Alone they are nothing to complete that which is needed in the subtle science and exact art of potion-making. To bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses we need... the magic words. 

Fog issues from beneath all the students' seats as music number appropriate lights flash. 

SS: Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Snape sashays around the dungeon, robes swirling. 

SS: Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
It'll do magic believe it or not
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Salagadoola means mechicka booleroo
But the thingmabob that does the job is
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Salagadoola menchicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got
bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

End scene. 

Scene: Ginny Weasley lays across her bed on her stomach, fondling a photograph of Harry while addressing Errol who sits crumpled on her pillow. 

Ginny: He's just so wonderful. I wish he loved me back, but he doesn't even know I exist. I would do anything to get him to notice me, (sings) but mama says,

In bursts Molly Weasley accompanied by bedazzled back-up dancers with beehive hair styles. 

Molly: You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

G: Muuuuuuum. Not agaiiiin.

End Scene. 

Scene: Harry and Dumbledore sit on a table in the empty classroom holding the Mirror of Erised. 

Dumbledore: The Mirror will be moved to a new home tomorrow, Harry, and I ask you not to go looking for it again. If you ever do run across it, you will now be prepared. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that. Now, why don't you put that admirable cloak back on and get off to bed.

Harry: Professor Dumbledore. Can I ask you something?

D: Obviously, you've just done so. You may ask me one more thing, however.

H: What do you see when you look in the mirror?

D: I? I see myself almost exactly as I am, you see,

Dumbledore stands and begins to tap dance across floor. 

D: I got rhythm
I got music
I got my man
Who could ask for anything more?
I got daisies
In green pastures,
I got my man
Who could ask for anything more?

End Scene. 

These are the only scenes I can remember in detail. I faintly recall "How Much is that Broomstick in the Window" and a song featuring Moaning Myrtle. But, you'll have to ask my sister. 

Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy-Warty Hogwarts, teach us something please.

When I was 11 years old I had a sudden epiphany of a dark world that lay ahead of me. I was in my room reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix which had just been released that week. While I found complete and utter joy in the new words that our Queen J.K. had written and released for our reading ecstasy, somewhere in my literary feasting an evil voice spoke to me in my head,

"Soon this will end."

I could not even attempt to redirect my thoughts back to poor Harry fighting his corrupted government and vindictive school, because this thought filled me with more emotion and anguish than Umbridge ever had or would.  

Even though I was still two books away from the end of Hogwarts, I had finally come to understand a fact which had been impending since the beginning - that some day it would end. I struggled to find a way to make the series last forever, maybe J.K. could write forever! There will always be more Harry to go around! Even then I knew that all good things must come to an end, and it would be much better for Harry to conclude his adventures at 17, than live to become a crappy sequel, mocked for his fan-fiction-esque existence.

In that moment I became passionate about the parenting of my children that were still decades away from being conceived; they would hear the tales of the Potter boy from the beginning of their lives. In this way I could keep Hogwarts alive forever. My offspring would love Harry, they would would be dedicated to Dumbledore's Army, and they would laugh and weep as each book finished. Even though they would never know the painful agony of waiting for a book release, I would tell them stories of how it once was, and they would be amazed that I had been there for such crucial periods of history.

This moment of euphoric epiphany of my future Potter-head children was short-lived when another dark thought crept into my mind,

"What if they don't like Harry Potter?"

What if they don't LIKE Harry Potter?! Who are these children? If they have a heart and a solid brain they will like Harry Potter.

"There are things my parents like that I don't."

Oh my holy days, my children won't like Harry Potter! What's the purpose of having them as my children if I can't even indoctrinate them properly?! What if the more I expose them to Harry Potter, the more they work to rebel against me? That is too much. I can handle Voodoo, I can handle them choosing to become Goths or something else equally fad-ish and indicative of their time, but a dislike of Harry Potter?! It can't be. I will disown them. I will cry. It will be something that a young mother simply cannot comprehend or stand.

Remember that at the time that this inner monologue was happening, I was 11 years old and wandering around my room close to tears. No wait, if I remember correctly, I was in tears. Hogwarts hadn't ended yet, and I hadn't even begun to go through puberty, so who knows where all that emotion was coming from, but it was there, and kicking.

Now that it has been 7 years since the Deathly Hallows has been released, I find that the Harry Potter universe is never actually over. With the amount of people in the world as entranced by the series as I am, there's always parties to have and discussions to get heated over. Plus, books can always be re-read. At the end of the night, if it comes down to it and my children find no joy in my favourite fandom, there's always adoption to consider.


      

My coming out story.

There are many people who I hold dear in my life that classify themselves as "Nerds."

Before beginning this post, I want to clarify exactly what these friends of mine love or do which causes them to associate themselves within the nerd category.

For the purpose of this discussion, nerds are those with a deep and intricate knowledge and love of any of the following either in combination or alone:

Anime
Comic Books (both Marvel and DC universes)
Dungeons and Dragons style role play games
Dr. Who (this is pretty recent, no one seems to watch the original Drs. that I watched on VHS in my home growing up)
Lord of the Rings (usually the Tolkien universe in general)
Pokémon (or is this also Anime?)
Sherlock Holmes (also recent)
Star Trek    
Star Wars
Video games

None of these things have ever been something I have enjoyed or sought out on my own (with the exception of Dr. Who when I was little). However, I seem to have a pretty extensive amount of information on each of these topics, due to the fact that I only seem to find friends who are usually themselves immersed in these cultures.

When I was a Freshman at BYU-Hawaii, a large portion of the group of friends I associated with was into a role play game called Realms of Glory. Many weekends they would gather and play tournaments for hours in the GCB. I had never been exposed to such a game, but luckily for me, many of the same friends hadn't either, so I always had someone to play with when these tournaments were happening.
Years later, most of those friends had left for missions for our church, or had transferred schools. However, I was still really good friends with the ring leader of the role playing group. In fact, we were coworkers, and a bunch of our other coworkers had gotten interested in role playing. We would meet for several hours on Saturdays to play. Well, I did like twice, because I really wanted to be included, but the activity held no interest for me at all, so eventually I stopped coming. Still! I know a LOT about role playing now.

Most of my large group social interactions throughout my life seem to function in such a way; I will try a bit of whatever nerdom my peers are passing around, indulge enough to know the way around it, and then excuse myself when I fail to find it appealing.
However, because these people are precious to me, I find myself defending their honour and ways.

Last Sunday Peter and I had our friends Dan, Sarah, Trevor, and Melinda over for dinner and games. We played the game "Celebrity" which is honestly one of my favourite party games ever. Educate yourself and thank me later.
One of the celebrities in question was Spock, a Vulcan from the Star Trek universe who famously salutes such. Throughout the game, Trevor and Melinda would Vulcan salute with their thumbs in, which is, in fact, an error. After doing it incorrectly several times, and having us all shout corrections, Trevor salutes, thumb in, only to have his wife yell,
"No! Don't do it like that!"
"Why?" he asks, confused.
"I don't know! But they all get very upset when we do!"

I do that all the time; I get involved defending a universe that I personally know nothing about, but have somehow picked up knowledge of through association.

Peter loves the DC world, and in looking for things to make our home more homey, I got very excited to see that someone was selling a Justice League rug, and tried to buy it for Peter. I have NEVER read a Comic Book in my life. I don't even particularly enjoy superhero movies, but I desperately wanted this rug, because I knew my husband would want it. I get excited over other people's nerdom, while quietly understanding something about myself: I simply don't care, and probably never will.

Somehow I feel like an A-Sexual person making sexual comments and joking about the topic even though privately holding the secret that I have no desire to mate.

Maybe my nerdom is nerds; I am attracted to those people who enjoy these things and want to be around them, even though I can't say anything about the topic being discussed, or do anything other than regurgitate shallow information I have heard from them previously.

So here I am, coming out to all of you, many of whom are probably super shocked by this: I don't enjoy Anime, Comic Books (both Marvel and DC universes), Dungeons and Dragons style role play games, Dr. Who, Lord of the Rings, Pokémon, Sherlock Holmes, Star Trek, Star Wars, or Video games. However, I like YOU. So, don't stop talking to me about these things, I totally wish I was interested, and I will fight valiantly to like it so that you'll still interact with me, but in my own time don't be surprised when you find me watching My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding or any other truly offensive TLC show.

I hope you all can still love me. Even after this lame blog post.

P.S. To those of you who keep trying to claim that Harry Potter is a nerd thing. Shut your beautiful face. Harry Potter is a human thing. Everyone reads and loves Harry Potter. Those who haven't, just haven't YET. It's a natural occurring thing, and is quintessential to the age we live in. Stop trying to act like you're superior because you enjoy Harry Potter. You probably enjoy pizza and ice-cream just like every other sane person on the planet.