Update on current existence

On February 2nd I had an interview at the Marriage and Family graduate program at BYU. A lot of people have been asking how that went. Thank you for showing an interest in my life. I really appreciate it. Unfortunately, it is one of those things that I almost wish people would ignore for the next two weeks so that I can pretend I am not internally crapping my metaphorical pants, but you cannot pick and choose what parts of your life are interesting to others.

FAQS:

How did it go? 

Honestly, I'm not sure. There were parts of the day where my inner monologue was sassy and of African decent screaming, "oh, oh, you are KILLIN' IT, FOO. They ain't got no one who has ever killed it the way you have. mmhmmmm. You know that's right." There were other moments where all I could think was, "why are you here? why are you here? why are you here? YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT, MESERVY." Sadly, both of these extremes were accompanied by a faint sense that I was on the brink of vomiting and a profuse amount of sweating, so I cannot confidently state that I did well, or poorly. I think we are just going to have to wait and see.

When will you hear back?

All 28 of the MFT applicants interviewed last week. The majority of us came on Monday, but a small group came Friday. Therefore, deliberation begins this coming week. The earliest I will hear back is early next week.

How many people are selected for the program?

There are 11 places available for the 28 of us who applied. That means I have roughly a 39% chance of being accepted. Granted, the selection of applicants is not random, however, as I do not know how I did (see FAQ number 1), my chances feel pretty random at this point.

What was the interview like?

At the beginning of the day we were presented with a schedule. This schedule divided the 21 of us present into small groups of five or six and listed times we would be seen by different professors. In our groups we rotated through rooms where professors were to ask us questions and answer any questions we had. In addition to meeting with the professors and answering their questions, for one of our "interviews" we had 15 minutes in a computer lab to answer three short answer questions and submit them.
Around noon, we were shepherded into a room to have lunch, and begin our one-on-one interview process. Each of us would have three interviews in three rooms, each with 3-4 professors there to ask us questions. My interviews were scheduled at 1:00, 3:00, and 3:55. While we waited, we sat and visited with the other applicants and current MFT students who came in and out to meet with us.
The day began at 9am and ended with a "pizza party"(we were all so desperate to get out and never see that room again, that the "party" aspect was definitely a stretch) at 5pm.
The worst part of the day for me was the waiting in that board room. I knew that the existing students were there to assess us all on our personalities and pleasantness, and what they would have to say about each of us would be taken into consideration, however, all I wanted to do was crawl under the table and lay on the floor weeping quietly to myself until my interviews. It wasn't as though the questions being asked were particularly difficult, but knowing that you are putting all your efforts into being accepted somewhere and that you are being judged on your every action and word is mildly horrifying. I am looking forward to being past this point in my graduate career (plz don't remind me that I will be repeating this process when I need to get a job. k thankz).

What happens if you get accepted?

If both Peter and I get accepted at BYU, we will most likely be moving to Provo to attend school there starting August of this year. I have been asked to interview at Seattle Pacific University early this March which I plan to attend to look at the school and program, and perhaps we will find that Seattle is where we need to be. BYU is the best option academically and financially for both of us, but we are open to the fact that God's will doesn't always work on academic and financial motivations.

I think those are all the FAQs I have gotten. If you have any other questions for me, please ask! I will try to answer to the best of my ability :) 

How to lose an internet argument.

Months ago, four strong, intelligent, beautiful lady pioneers of debating and I founded an online debate club. We created a Facebook group specifically designed for young ladies such as ourselves to engage in stirring debates about whatever struck our fancy. By enouraging research, arguments, not being aggressive, or being easily offended, we were sure we would see ourselves flowering into mighty goddesses of civil arguments just in time for the 2016 political campaign.

In a lot of ways, I do see this happening. In a lot of other ways, I am witnessing how to properly lose an argument over the internet. Even when I feel members are articulating their point of view well, using founded research and even smiley faces to indicate lightheartedness, there will always be a storm out, and a lot of prime (and classic) internet fighting. 

Tonight, I witnessed first hand a storm out on a thread which I felt had been civil and well thought out. My friend Bri and I debriefed afterwards. 

Bri: I feel like I missed something. 

Me: Me too. It went from a back and forth to a I CANT EVEN TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW. But without caps.  

Bri: I'm surprised she didn't throw in a "AND YOUR MOM'S COOKING SUCKS" and kick a puppy on her way out. (I've never stormed out of anywhere before so I don't really know how it works). 

Me: No I think that's standard protocol. There's probably a handbook. At the very least a wikihow. 

But then I did my research. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN: there is no wikihow on how to properly storm out of an internet debate. I was too lazy to look further, but I assume there is also no wikihow on how to lose an internet debate, but I am pairing the two together and presenting (ba-ba-ba-BAAAAAAAAAAA (that is supposed to be, like, the end of the 21st Century Fox opening, not a sheep,  just to let you know)) 

                               HOW TO LOSE AN INTERNET ARGUMENT. 

1. Ensure you base your point of view entirely on a delicate balance between logical fallicies and personal anecdotes. 

Research is for noobs. Don't allow anyone to tell you otherwise. You know your argument because once upon a time it happened to your sister's mother-in law's aunt, and no one can take that away from you. You don't need references nor should you ever consider looking for them. People who use research only do so because they know they are wrong. That is why they can't just explain their argument using their own words. They are dependent on other people. Dependency equals weakness, and the weak shall fall.  

2. Abandon grammar. 

Think of every writing rule and tool you have learned in your lifetime and punch them in the face. Capitalization Doesn't Have To Be Just For Proper Nouns Or Sentence Beginnings. lower case should also be embraced, especially for proper nouns. Use ellipses... When it doesn't necessarily... Make sense to have...them. Exclamation points too!!!!!!!!!!! Abandun speling. ur in a debate. their is no tim four spell chek.  

3. Do not recognize other points being made. 

People are going to come back at you with counter points. Ignore them. Acknowledging the thoughts of others is a symptom of a seasoned debater, and we're here to lose spectacularly. Don't ever change your point of view, or your purpose. If someone asks you to consider something that wasn't in your initial point, rebuke it with a non-sequitor that was. 

4. Keep it simple OR overwhelm yourself. 

Hand in hand with failing to recognize other points, is keeping your argument as simplistic as possible (i.e. Only offering "yes" "no" and "because it is that way" as an explanation). Who can argue with a one word answer? 

Alternatively, consider including every thing you can possibly think of in one argument. Is the topic the death penalty? Perfect, people who are murderers drink water, and water is a liquid, and liquid that is solid can be used as a weapon, and TVs could also be used as a weapon, so protect the children and ban homework for heavens sake! Confusing your opponent, and yourself, is key. 

5. Make it personal. 

Don't ever allow a debate to be emotionless. Fling insults and wield name calling at any opportunity. It's common knowledge that every argument is lost as soon as someone name calls. Don't be afraid to be that person. Conversely, make sure that everything that is being said is being perceived as a personal insult to you. I don't care if the statement is "your mother is a kind woman," you can easily retort with, "oh, is that to suggest that my grandmother isn't?!" Boom. Crushed it. 

6. Have a dramatic exit. 

The exit is a key component to every internet debate storm out. Tell everyone you are speechless. That you cannot even fathom who raised them, or how on earth they sleep at night. This may just sound like more insults, but it is so much more intricate than that. Here is your time to show that it is by your own choosing that you are leaving this debate. You are disgusted by the behaviour and ethics of those around you, and that is what is motivating your departure. It is not that you have lost or been proven wrong, but rather that they are not even worth engaging anymore. Make this clear. 

There you have it, folks. Good luck out there! I believe in you all. 

8 (lazy) ways that you can be a fitness pro.

I'm behind on the New Years posts, but better late than never! Because I am hip and up to date on the blogger-sphere, I figured I would write a fitness posts with tips on how to get active and healthy with this brand new year. Of course, these aren't any sort of fitness tips, but rather tips for those who don't actually want to be healthy but need ways to tell people that you are.

1. Install a motion detector light in your home.
This investment encourages you to move from your cocoon of safety and junk food every 30-50 seconds to jump around wildly in order to have any light to see by. Depending on how frequently you need light, this could be a serious calorie burner.

2. Remove all toilet paper from your bathroom.
Do you know how effective squats are at toning your legs? Incredibly effective, from what I've heard. By decreasing your proximity from toilet paper, you are encouraged to squat walk from the bathroom with your pants at your ankles to retrieve your favourite wiping tool. Works best if you live alone.

3. Decrease the size of the blankets on your bed, or, if you have a spouse, provide only enough bedding for one of you.
This technique encourages wrestling and crunching. In the case of smaller blankets, you are forced to minimize your size on the mattress, engaging important core muscles. When you have a spouse with whom you're forced to ration coverage, this can be a perfect opportunity to strengthen arm muscles as you pull blankets and punch out your spouse.

4. Wear only skinny jeans and other tight clothing.
The skinny jean hop is one way I stay in tip-top shape. By only selecting clothes that are tight, you are forced to wriggle, jump, and squeeze into and out of everything you wear. This one is better if you have a roommate of some sort, as the dance moves you produce are both priceless and hilarious.

5. Move to an area with wild chickens, (or anger a local rooster.)
There is a wide spread fallacy that suggests that roosters cry at dawn. Roosters in fact cry whenever and wherever the mood strikes them, no matter what the time of day or what you are doing. Ensuring you have a loud dominant rooster in your yard provides you with an opportunity to take up sprinting when your patience and eardrums can take no more. Having lived in a home where I suggested to the local roosters that I was the alpha, I have experienced what it is like to rage a personal war with multiple chickens at once. They are like miniature personal trainers! You will be sprinting (and cussing, and possibly throwing rocks) in no time.

6. Hold your pee for as long as you can.
This is a practice that may lead to urinary impotence in the future, but will strengthen your leg and stomach muscles in the now. Crossing your legs tightly, tiptoeing rapidly, and hopping in place are all side effects of a full bladder, and are all fantastic for increasing muscles in your calves and thighs. Added bonus for if you also choose to only use bathrooms that are far away from you once you decide it is time to go; sprinting while clenching all of your abdominal muscles is a sure way to quick 6-pack abs.

7. Throw away any remotes that you have.
By removing your access to your TV remote one of two things can happen. You can increase your movement by forcing yourself to get up and walk to the TV when you need something to watch, or you can perfect your throwing arm. By finding small objects around the house that you can throw at the TV buttons, you can improve your pitching and strengthen your arm muscles. Either way, it is a physical win.

8. Put your arm in a sling.
Make a sling for your arm to immobilize it. By forcing yourself to use only one arm a day you are guaranteed to give the one free arm twice as much work as it usually gets and thus twice the opportunity for buff-ness. Switch out which arm is held by the sling every couple days to ensure both are being worked.
(This one is a little tricky, because cripples often get help from those around them, so you have to promise not to cheat yourself. I believe in you, though. You can do it.)

There you have it, folks. 8 foolproof ways to ensure you are fitter than ever before!
Update me on your progress, and let me know if you have any other hot tips on getting into shape.

Sometimes I'm really good at adulting.

There are many things that my childhood prepared me for in my adult life. I learned important skills and awareness of crucial situations that would someday appear in an attempt to foil me. Some of these things have been useful to me, but some have still failed to be relevant in my 22 years.

Trusting as I am of pop culture and children's television, these are situations I expect to emerge any day now:

1. Catching on fire.
Granted, fire is a scary thing, and definitely something to be prepared for, but "Stop, drop, and roll" was something that suggested to me at an early age that I would be combusting into flames on a regular basis. So far, I have had no need to drop and roll unless I'm hiding from someone and need to become a ninja instantly.

2. Going over a waterfall. 
Now that I'm writing this list I feel like a complete goose, because I'm sure that there's some people who have gone over a waterfall (AND caught on fire) and almost died in doing so, but cartoons suggested to me that I was always at danger of going over a life-threatening waterfall anytime that I stepped near water. I almost feel stripped of a rite of passage in that I have never panicked over an impending waterfall. I even live in Hawaii!

3. Detonating an explosive and dealing with dynamite.
In cartoons, everyone has dynamite. It's a fact. Through watching TV I learned many things that explosives could be used for and how to best put them out. Hint: Is is not effective to fan the light out, but it is effective to put under water. Well... sometimes. Also, if it's a bomb, cut the blue wire!

4. Strangers with delicious candy and/or razor blade candy. 
No stranger ever offered me candy, and I felt like an ugly child because of it. Every halloween I looked for razor blades and other surprises, but none ever showed.

There's also the tripping on banana peels, being knocked out cold for several minutes at a time, and crafting an emergency parachute midair to consider.
I also realized today that I have never fallen into my toilet. This wasn't something that childhood necessarily prepared me for, but something many adults warned me would be a large stumbling block in marriage. So far, no issues. I guess my eyes still work.

Something I wasn't prepared for in entering this married part of my life is how much panic the thought of pregnancy can stir in the heart of a young woman unready for motherhood. In retrospect, this shouldn't have been a surprise; I practised abstinence until Peter and I were married, yet every late period, unexpected craving, or swollen stomach would plant the thought

---->YOU ARE SO VERY PREGNANT<---- 

in my head. Even though there was literally no possible way for me to have contracted a baby, I would panic and stress that maybe I had, before remembering, "oh hey, that's not how babies are made!" Honestly, though, when you're a Christian you are taught that no one is safe from babies. If God wants you to have one, you will. *cough* babyJesus *cough.*

For now I'll just hope that it's God's will that I catch fire or meet a stranger with delicious candy, because I got those situations all sorts of covered.