That time I found out everyone I trust is a liar.

I have more online friends than "real life" friends. This is just a fact. When Peter left for his mission I was added into the "missionary girlfriend" community. I made close friends with girls in similar situations with me, and now about 98% of the people I'm close to are fellow former MGs. They helped me through the last time Peter and I were apart, and then this summer they helped me through our second big separation.

One of those friends contacted me in late June with a plan. She asked me if I could take off four days in August for a girls trip with her and two of my other close friends. I was THRILLED. I immediately texted my husband to tell him this was happening. He responded, so kindly, with a "I don't think we can afford that."

I was furious, and openly so. I told him I had been alone all summer, and if my friends wanted to get together with me, then I should be able to go. Forget money, even if I have to eat nothing the entire trip, I was going. He begrudgingly agreed and the conversation was dropped.

As the trip got closer, I became more defiant about it. I was almost certain that these three friends had taken pity on my husband-less self and planned this trip to give me company. I wasn't going to skip it. I was telling everyone about it, I was texting the three girls coming on the trip planning exactly how many times we would be going to McDonalds, and I had finally done my laundry so that I could actually wear underwear again.

I was leaving for my trip on Sunday August 14th. That Saturday night I picked up my friend Alaire from the airport, and she had spent the night. We went to church together, but left before 3rd hour as she was feeling unwell. When I get to my apartment door anytime I have been gone, I open it before removing my shoes so that my sweet Baymax can come running through the door and I can see his precious face. On this day, I did just that, but was surprised when there was a delay in the puppy's arrival. I called out to him and he appeared, but running from the left, not from the right where the living room is. This worried me greatly. What had he done in the bedroom?

As I looked to my left to investigate, my husband appeared from the bedroom. My first emotion was shock and fear. Why was there a man in my apartment, and why was he walking towards me? Second, I felt confusion. HOW was Peter there? Was he going back to DC to finish his internship? Realistically, the confusion stayed with me for probably the next two hours, and it began with some serious questions.

"I'M LITERALLY LEAVING TOWN TODAY," I told him, "Katie is coming in 3 HOURS and we're leaving!!"

"No, you're not," Peter laughed.

"No, I really am," I said, pointing to my wall calendar which I live and die by.

P: "Well, you're going, but you're going with me."

M: "I'm not doing anything with them?"

P: "No. Well, maybe later. But not now."

M: "Do they know this??"

and the whole rotten story came out. I was never going on a girls trip, it was Peter all along. Apparently Katie was a cover story for an early returning Peter, and he had booked us 4 days of hotel and activity in Salt Lake City. The flight information I had for two weeks away was a lie, and everyone I regularly interact with knew about it. More than that, everyone I regularly interact with had funded it. Katie had formed an online group of generous MG angels (and Peter) and had raised some money for us to go have wild raucous sex a delayed anniversary celebration together.

After this plan had been revealed to me, I came to realise that everyone knew about the lie that was my life. They listened to my countdowns knowing that I was wrong, they planned a girls trip with me knowing we wouldn't be going. If it wasn't for such a sweet cause, I'm sure I'd be furious.

So there's the tale for any one still wondering.

Secret life of beads

• This week I was inducted into a secret society of individuals united in a cause of good. I would compare us to societies such as the Men in Black or the Order of the Phoenix, but even that is way too much information, and I don't want to have to kill any of you. 
• Upon receiving my official invitation to join this crew of elite individuals, I was inducted into a group conversation. To quickly catch up on all items of business I had missed, I scrolled up to read all previous messages, and found a discussion of my worthiness to join the cause. 
• 
  
• 
  
• MN: I like the idea of Melece. She's fun. And fair.
• 
  
• LA: Yeah I agree, I think she has a level head about things.
• 
  
• BR: She is very extreme on many topics, but level beaded.
• Headed, lolz.
• 
  
• MN: She's intricately beaded.
• It's nice.
• I don't think she has a history of yelling at people.

LB: I second the Melece being intricately beaded 

•  
• MN: I messaged Melece and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. Soooo. But we may consider starting a new conversation since we talked about her up there and also I just said this so that's awkward if we add her. Hello. Just discussing whether you're crazy or not. Lalala
•  
• LB: Melece is a beautiful pillow. 
• That should make it all good.
• 
  
• MP: The kind with beading around the edges that is uncomfortable to lay on but it is fine because it is so pretty and decorative.
• Okay. We will just add her then. Melece, when you get in this group, know that we consider you in high regard. Also beads.
•  
• *MN added you.*
• 
  
• MN: Hello Melece. Awkwardness ensuing.
•  You're an extreme, decorative pillow. I am an extreme snuggie. I like to think.
• 
  
• LB: Yayyyy Hi Melece!

I think everyone wonders what people say about them when they're not around, but I feel pretty confident with knowing that some people discuss whether I'm level beaded or not. 

I feel pretty, oh so pretty! 

My only friends are internet friends

and I just can't work out how I feel about this.

When Peter was on his mission an acquaintance of mine found out I was waiting for him, and she eagerly embraced me into her world of MGs. My life would never be the same.

Missionary Girlfriends (MG) are this insane phenomenon and sub-culture which is booming and real, even if you have no idea of their existence. Essentially they're like mermaids, because they very much exist, just do so in secret. Mostly they function on Facebook groups, sharing stories, package ideas, and, most fundamentally. support for one another. Say what you will about these girls, spew percentages of the success rate of waiting, and offer suggestions that we're all no-life wannabes, but whether they are reunited with their men or not, I found the MG group to be a fundamentally and majorly decent band of girls, just looking for friends that they could share their experiences with.

For me I found instant relief in these groups. Peter and I had not dated prior to his mission, and it was very important to both of us that he serve a full faithful and diligent two years with no distractions from anything at home. With these basic rules of our relationship, I didn't feel I could openly discuss my love for Peter with anyone without being told I was dumb, or immature, or else simply boring anyone I could find to pine at. Suddenly, with my introduction to the crazy, passionate, and at times alarmingly scary world of MGs I had a worldwide outlet for all my missionary woes.

When Peter came home I joined another group, this time originally built for RMGs (Returned Missionary Girlfriends) and to facilitate discussion about the transitions from mission to dating, from dating to marriage, and all the things it contained.

I have now been in these sorts of groups for over 3 years, and it has been a strange and wonderful experience, an experience that I am still living through, but one that I just can't decide if it's time for me to abandon or not.

On the one hand, I have made SO many great fantastic life long friends through these groups and the subculture they have formed. I speak to two of them on a daily basis and miss them when I don't hear from them even though (and here's kind of the "other hand") I HAVE NEVER MET THEM IN REAL LIFE.

Over last Christmas I brought Peter to Utah, where my parents had recently moved, to meet the family. As a lot of these girls live in Utah, I set off to attempt to meet as many of my online friends as physically possible, and I was met with zero understanding from anyone I knew in real life.

"But what if they're 40 year old men?" my father teased me one day, and while I can understand that this is a genuine and real possibility in this world of the internet and lies (hahaha, jk. everything on the internet is true, I know that) that was never a possibility even in the fathomed-est corner of my mind. These girls were my lifelines, my saviours. They were (and are) girls who I depend on in every major moment of my life. I update girls on the internet more than I update my Facebook. Seriously.

So, (and while I'm not entirely sure if this constitutes a point, or if I even have a point, this is my attempt at one for tonight) what constitutes a real and worthwhile relationship these days?

Beyond Peter, I don't have any friends here in Hawaii. I always heard single people complain that when people get married they disappear off the face of the planet never to be heard of again. I even agreed with them because I had experienced it myself, but now as a newlywed, I often wonder how many times it happens just in reverse, that people write off us married fogeys as soon as we don our wedding gear. I suddenly find myself without anyone seriously interested in having me around them, forget being invited to things.

On the internet, however, I AM SUPER UBER POPULAR! I'm like an awesome B-list celebrity! Like, think of someone you once saw in a movie one time as a supporting actor to a supporting actor. You'd probably recognize their face, but definitely not their name, and it would take you a while to work out where you knew them from. Yup. I am THAT BIG on the internet. Okay, realistically, as big as their sibling that you once got to meet because a friend knew a friend, and you were like, sure! I'd love to meet the sibling of that one guy in Troll 2. So big.

Thus I find myself trapped in this daily struggle. I'm not going to let go of the friends that I have made, Hades no, those are my homegirls! I would never trade them in. Instead, perhaps it's time for me to attempt to deplug and search more fervently for a friend that is tangible as well. One I can see once or twice a week, rather than just stalk their Facebook profiles, instagrams, and blogs passionately, because as much as I love Peter, my jobs, and the endless amount of books I am now reading back to back like someone with serious biblio-dependency, I find myself so lonely and eager for someone to spend time with.

Three things I would like you to know as I end this blog post:

1. I am sorry that I have not been funny recently. That being said, I know only 30 of you are actually reading, so maybe you don't mind, but just like to hear me ramble. Thanks. I appreciate you.
2. I am taking applications for friendship and/or advice on how to make friends as a 22 year old married woman with multiple jobs who is not in school.
3. It is 2:19am and my neighbours are making bacon. It smells divine and I am proud of them for recognizing the importance of the meat regardless of what time of day it is. Bless you, neighbours. Now please share.