Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Harry Potter: The Musical

In the summer of 2001 the world was a different place. America had not yet declared war on Iraq and terrorism, Dido, Shaggy, and Destiny's Child were collectively dominating the top 40, Warner Brothers Studios were in mid-production of the first Harry Potter film, I was 9 while my sister Sharah was 14, and together we were writing the beautiful, unpublished project entitled Harry Potter: The Musical.

Sharah and I kept our writings on lined paper in a two-ring binder. We used pre-existing songs from either Disney or our family's collection of hits from the '60s, in order to supplement pre-existing or plausible situations from the Harry Potter universe. It really was a work of genius. I do not still have the authentic papers, but I have the memories, and can only pray that the originals are protected somewhere in our parents' basement.

All these recreations have been done to the best of my ability and memory, and all ideas are the brain-rights of Melece & Sharah Meservy. A team so official I had to use an ampersand rather than the word 'and'.

Scene: The great hall. Ron and Harry are enthralled by the enchanted ceiling, floating candles, and hundreds of students. 

Harry: This, this is just, incredible.

Ron: I've never seen anything like it. It's like...

The two make eye contact before both breaking into song. 

H&R: A whole new world! A dazzling place I never knew! No one to tell us no,

Hermione clears her throat behind them.

H&R: Or where to go

Hermione clears her throat slightly louder behind them.

H&R: or say we're only dreaming.

Professor Mcgonagall appears suddenly to squash any dreams the boys may or may not have been having.

End Scene 

Scene: The dungeons. Dark and dusty. Severus Snape is stood at the front of a class of nervous looking first years, H,R&H among them. A fire is lit under a large cauldron which is bubbling ominously. Snape adds ingredients to the cauldron while mixing. 

Severus Snape: Fluxweed... knotgrass... lacewing flies, and skin of Boomslang are only the ingredients we need to complete this particular potion. Alone they are nothing to complete that which is needed in the subtle science and exact art of potion-making. To bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses we need... the magic words. 

Fog issues from beneath all the students' seats as music number appropriate lights flash. 

SS: Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got

Snape sashays around the dungeon, robes swirling. 

SS: Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
It'll do magic believe it or not
Salagadoola means mechicka booleroo
But the thingmabob that does the job is
Salagadoola menchicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got
bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

End scene. 

Scene: Ginny Weasley lays across her bed on her stomach, fondling a photograph of Harry while addressing Errol who sits crumpled on her pillow. 

Ginny: He's just so wonderful. I wish he loved me back, but he doesn't even know I exist. I would do anything to get him to notice me, (sings) but mama says,

In bursts Molly Weasley accompanied by bedazzled back-up dancers with beehive hair styles. 

Molly: You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

G: Muuuuuuum. Not agaiiiin.

End Scene. 

Scene: Harry and Dumbledore sit on a table in the empty classroom holding the Mirror of Erised. 

Dumbledore: The Mirror will be moved to a new home tomorrow, Harry, and I ask you not to go looking for it again. If you ever do run across it, you will now be prepared. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that. Now, why don't you put that admirable cloak back on and get off to bed.

Harry: Professor Dumbledore. Can I ask you something?

D: Obviously, you've just done so. You may ask me one more thing, however.

H: What do you see when you look in the mirror?

D: I? I see myself almost exactly as I am, you see,

Dumbledore stands and begins to tap dance across floor. 

D: I got rhythm
I got music
I got my man
Who could ask for anything more?
I got daisies
In green pastures,
I got my man
Who could ask for anything more?

End Scene. 

These are the only scenes I can remember in detail. I faintly recall "How Much is that Broomstick in the Window" and a song featuring Moaning Myrtle. But, you'll have to ask my sister. 

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

In the biblical sense

As a member of a scripture centered church, (well, Christ centered, but then also scripture... You underment what I stood), any sort of "Getting to Know You" survey that is sent around for whatever purpose in said church, almost always includes a blank space under the title "Favourite Scripture," for you to share.

Recently my best friend Allison and I were texting about just such a phenomenon and how little a scripture actually says about the person filling out the survey. Do the people reading the surveys look up the references? If/when they do do they then analyze the chosen scripture?

"Ah, yes, *this* person values Jesus the right amount," - all knowing survey distributor.

Or maybe, perhaps, there are well tested and developed algorithms in place to match a personality profile with the selection or preference of certain words or principals.

"Aha! This scripture says "thou" three times! We have found the perfect nursery leader!" - church leaders everywhere probably.

Usually, I assume, these references are accepted but ignored, maybe jotted down somewhere to look at during future times of trial. Rarely are they put to any sort of getting-to-know you use.

In discussing this, Allison and I decided to find the best possible verses to put as a favourite scriptures, to really help people get to know us. I hope they are inspiring and informative.
Because I assume all of you are as lazy as I am, I have written out all the verses. You are welcome.

Exodus 8:14
"And they gathered them together upon heaps: and the land stank."

Leviticus 11:30
"And the ferret, and the chameleon, and the lizard, and the snail, and the mole."

Leviticus 15:19
"And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even."

Leviticus 15:29
"And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation."

Numbers 31:17
"Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him."

Lamentations 4:3
"Even the sea monsters draw out the breast, they give suck to their young ones: the daughter of my people is become cruel, like the ostriches in the wilderness."

As Christmas is fast approaching, as is the celebration of my birth, if anyone feels the urge to send me a gift, any of these scriptures cross-stitched onto a pillow, carved into a little block, or made into wall decals will be gladly accepted and presented proudly in our home.


Saturday, October 18, 2014

Ways my imaginary friend bullies me and ruins my life.

I have an imaginary friend known as Anxiety. Really, he is only imaginary in the fact that he has no body or physical presence, but he is pretty real in the incredible way he holds power in my life.
Every day Anxiety floats along besides me being the biggest and loudest dingleberry I have ever encountered. There are many instances in which Anxiety has made my life embarrassingly painful, but today I will outline just the one (with many sub-sections).

Graduate School Applications vs. Anxiety

Peter: Melly, we need to apply to graduate school.

Me: Yes. Yes we do.

Peter: You need to contact professors to write you letters of recommendation.

Me: Yes. Yes I do.

Peter: Will you do that please?

Me: Yes. Yes I will.

Anxiety: LOL JK WHO WILL YOU ASK? If you write someone, they will say no, and every time you see them ever you will need to physically hide under a table, because if you don't, and they see you, they will hate you and you will literally pee your pants.

Me: I will not literally pee my pants.

Anxiety: You might! When was the last time you peed your pants?!

Me: Not since I was, like, eight years old!

Anxiety: BZZZZ nope, that was the liar buzzer. You peed your pants earlier this year when you had a UTI because you hate peeing and hold it until you have the pee shivers. Fail! If you can't remember the last time you peed your pants, you probably can't get into graduate school.

Me: I can get into graduate school.

Anxiety: Okay, sure. Good luck with that.

Me: I think you should shut your face. You're not even real.

Peter: Please stop talking to your Anxiety, Melly

Anxiety: Shut up, Peter. You don't even know Melece. I know all of her pee secrets. What do you know? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

Later, I discussed my worries with my therapist. He told me we would conquer it together, and he would help me step by step through my applications, something that gave me incredible deja vu seeing as my therapist in high school had to help me through my university applications.

Dr: So, what will you have done by the next time we meet?

Me: I will have written to professors requesting letters of recommendation.

Dr: Excellent.

Anxiety: Well, that's too bad that you'll NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN.

Me: I'll see him next week.

Anxiety: Except not, because you cannot see him until you ask for letters of recommendation, but, unless you want to start wearing adult diapers, that's not going to happen.

Me: I'll do it, I will!

And that's the true story of how I stopped seeing my therapist.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

I'm sorry, but Kanye give it a rest?

At the 2009 VMAs a new pop cultural moment took place. Kanye West famously interrupted Taylor Swift during her acceptance of Best Female Video of 2009, and thus was born the social phenomenon "Imma Let You Finish" (or Kanyeing).

An Urban Dictionary entry of the custom explains it as such,
"What you say too look polite when you interrupt someone, put them down, and are not going to really let them finish.
Kanye West: Now Taylor, Im really happy for you, and imma let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time. One of the best videos of all time! (shrugs and walks away.)"
Obviously, this isn't a good thing to do, but there are certain times in my life where I find myself faced with the incredible urge to Kanye, and usually I do so, quietly to myself, in my head, or in a message to a friend so they can appreciate how important I am. I'm sure the suggestion that I do this at all has now revealed myself as a hideous person to all of you, but in an attempt to deter myself, I imagine gaining a characteristic of a (metaphorical) douche bag each time I choose to Kanye. So... that's something, right?

Times when it feels acceptable to Kanye

1. When someone tells me that their husband is the greatest. 

Me: Now, I'm really happy for you, and imma let you finish, but PETER IS THE GREATEST SPOUSE OF ALL TIME. Peace out -dons sunglasses even though it's night- 

2. When someone posts about selling Itworks, Mary Kay, Doterra oils on Facebook. 

Me: I'm really happy for you, and imma let you finish, but lemme just unfriend you real quick, cuz PUPPY POSTS ARE THE BEST FACEBOOK POSTS OF ALL TIME. *grillz magically appear on my teeth*

3. If I am told a certain new offspring is so talented and magical. 

Me: I'm really happy for you, and imma let you finish, but Jesus was the best baby of ALL TIME! (Polo collar pops) 

4. Any suggestion that a fiction book series is more worthwhile than Harry Potter.

Me: Yo, I'm so happy for you, and your limited IQ, but that boy wizard defeated the most powerful evil sorcerer of ALL TIME. -showers using only cologne-

It's hard to fight these things, but I try.

To make me feel like a better person, please comment with instances in which you think it's appropriate to Kanye.