Saturday, May 24, 2014

Sniff sniff, nuzzle nuzzle, lick lick.

Recently, there have been a lot of births in our building. Actually, there have been no births in the building; I checked the TVA handbook and home births aren't allowed, but, as it happens, when there are births in hospitals, babies return home with the parents, thus there are a lot of babies in our building. A lot of screaming babies in our building.

Somewhere in my DNA as a woman, I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to have a "babies are so great and I want to squeeze them out of my uterus and into the world" strand, but somewhere that strand got destroyed and replaced with something else. This something else is my love of dogs. 

As shocking as this may seem to some infant enthusiasts, I am of the personal belief that dogs are just better to have around than babies. For example, if you Google the term, "dog saves baby" you will find dozens, if not hundreds, of reports of dogs acting heroically to save their humans' spawn. If you Google the term, "baby saves dog" you will find no results, which really goes to show which the superior investment for a pet is.  

New babies drool and poop and scream and don't ever sleep. Puppies, on the other hand, sleep ALL the time, are poop and pee trained within months, and are desperate to please you, thus will not cry once you yell at them often enough not to. You also get the amazing plus of a puppy wanting to serve you as alpha pretty much immediately, while a baby thinks it is alpha until it's like 20 years old. Source: I was a baby, and had a terrible alpha complex for years. If a puppy cries, and it really bugs you, you can put a muzzle on them! If a baby cries and it really bugs your neighbours who dislike children you, you can't muzzle them without having to pay for therapy, which is ridiculously expensive. 

Recently, I've been finding my anxiety spiking ridiculous amounts. As it turns out, being an adult is a lot of work, and a lot of times it feels that all the work you've been putting in is being paid back in results at 50%. This is hard enough as it is, without the addition of my severe pining for my dog, and resentment for all my neighbours with babies, because somehow I feel their spawn is more destructive to the area than a dog. 

Postpartum depression is a serious condition. Depression is a condition which can be treated by puppies! Fix all the problems in the world! Legalize dogs in apartments! 

Okay, this is a dumb blog post. Blame my puppy pining.  

No comments:

Post a Comment