Friday, June 27, 2014

Death and the DMV

Yesterday Peter and I took a trip to the DMV. It was unpleasant and inefficient as most trips to the DMV are, but we still had a good enough time because we were together. In fact, we had a conversation about our future funerals and dead bodies which was entertaining to the people next to us. I know, because they all made no effort to hide their laughter.

It begun when I commented that the Organ Donor posters that they have at the DMV are so forward. "Check the box. It's the right thing to do" is their slogan, and while I do agree with them, it still feels slightly alarming that someone is telling me so self-righteously (while I'm standing in line in Purgatory) that I should allow people to harvest my organs ASAP once I'm dead. Cool.

Me: I am torn between wanting to donate my organs, and wanting to donate my body to science. Do I save a couple people immediately? Or potentially save lots and lots of people in the long run?

Peter: That is a tricky situation.

Me: I'll probably just donate all the good stuff to people now, then donate my brain and bones and skin and what have you to science. You can keep my hair, though.

From here we discussed what our parents' wills say about their last wishes, which was interesting, because every one of the four has a different plan.

Me: Do you want to be buried? Or cremated?

Peter: Well, I think cremation is a lot cheaper...

Guy in line behind us: It is, by like, a couple thousand.

Me: Oh wow. But then, if you're cremated, there's no where for people to visit after you're dead.

Peter: I'll be dead. I won't care if they visit or not.

Me: But, they can't, you know, weep over your grave if you're cremated.

Peter: Let them weep in their own homes, it's much more comfortable for everyone.

Me: That's gracious of you.

Peter: Yeah, I don't care where people weep, just so long as they ARE weeping.

Me: I respect that. What do you want done with your ashes? Urns creep me out, I think I'd want to be scattered some where pretty. Then people can visit my scatter-place and possibly get me in their lungs. My last revenge.

Peter: Getting your ashes scattered is so cliché.

Me: It's not cliché! How is it cliché?? It's beautiful! It's like, I'm becoming one with the earth!

Peter: It is SO cliché.

Me: That is so rude! When I die I'm putting it in my will that my ashes are to be scattered as far away from my husband as possible because HE DOESN'T APPRECIATE MY DEATH WISHES.

Peter: I'll just have my ashes divided and put in like five different urns around the world so that you'll never avoid me no matter where you're scattered.

Me: What?! That's crazy talk! If I want to be scattered away from you I should be able to!

Peter: Nope. You will always be in scattering distance from my dead ashes.

Me: Gross. Then I'll have my ashes buried under the sea! Hah. There. Ooh, or you know what? Better yet, I'll have a Viking funeral! Send my body off in a burning boat into a lake. That's not cliché. I'd have the coolest funeral of anyone!

Peter: Okay, would you like me to fire a burning arrow into your body from the shore?

Me: Honestly, I'm imagining you as 80 years old with shaky hands, and you've never really used a bow and arrow, so definitely not. You'd probably kill one of the people at the funeral instead.

Peter: Wow. Thanks. I actually have used a bow and arrow.

Me: You can do a flaming Nerf gun bullet!

Peter: I'm imagining that backfiring big time. I'm trying to load up the bullet, and it just destroys the gun making it explode in my face.

Me: Hehehehehehehe

Peter: Glad my death-by-Nerf-gun at your funeral amuses you. Well, if you're going to have a Viking funeral, I think I'll have an Egyptian funeral. You have to build me a-

Me: I am NOT building you a pyramid. If cemetery plots are out of our budget I DEFINITELY think pyramids are as well.

Peter: You could just dig a cave into the side of a mountain. I'd settle for that.

Me: You know that if you're having an Egyptian funeral, that would mean that if I'm still alive-

Peter: You'd have to be buried with me. Exactly. heh heh heh

Me: You are sick. I refuse. You can have a full sized Melece doll instead. Plus, if you have a pyramid you run the risk of being grave robbed.

Peter: *rolling his eyes aggressively* that's why you have GUARDS hired to protect my burial site. Gosh.

Me: and I'M too cliché.

At this point the line moved forward and we moved on to other exciting conversation. Right now Peter is sitting next to me, (I needed to have him clarify that our conversation was accurate). He wants you all to know that when we first entered the line, we placed bets on what time it would be when we reached the front of it and he was right exactly to the minute. It really was pretty exciting.


Not pictured: Peter in flames on the shore with the remains of a Nerf-gun.


  1. I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL SO BAD. What ever happened to those? Or I want my ashes to have a tree planted in them, and then the tree grows and the tree... IS ME. Also, have you seen Stranger Than Fiction? Pretty great movie.

    1. I love that movie!
      We can both have Viking funerals. Maybe our death will bring back the trend.

  2. This made me laugh! You two are hilariously creative!

  3. Jake and I have conversations pretty similar to this. :)

    1. Which is exactly why I love you both so much ;)

  4. Your blog literally had to laughing out loud. Carry on!

    1. Thank you! I will keep writing if you keep reading! ;)